Written By: Piyali Ganguly
To Think Before We Act
Dear friends, it is raining here in our mountain temperate rain forest of Western North Carolina and life is good sitting and watching the rain, listening to its sound, many thoughts, as always, go through my mind.
Being a singer-songwriter, an artist, a thinker, I often think about this, and that is, people need to quit gossiping and saying hurtful things about those with whom they have had a falling out. This is a sad and useless activity and I have observed this with a heavy heart in my life and in my world of music. There was a time when I indulged in such behavior myself and found it to be not only stressful but very detrimental to my career, regardless of whether I felt justified engaging in such behavior or not.
The arguments, fights, difference of opinion, the whatever on these lines, ought to stay between the people (often friends, fellow artists, family members, etc.) going through with it. If these people cannot mend their relationship, be it professional or personal or both, then they ought to go their own way, bearing this in mind, that at least they learned something from each other, because we all learn from each other regardless! While it may not be easy at first, it becomes eventually easy to take the good that was there and dissolve the bad at the earliest chance, and this can be done by each taking full responsibility for his/her words and actions and getting to the root cause of the situation.
Bottling it up inside can be painful, in which case we can talk it over or share it with a friend we can absolutely trust and who can remain neutral and be a loving sounding board. This friend should by no means talk to another about what he/she just learned. Such behavior is not becoming of a trusted and good friend. For the friend, being neutral is very important in such cases otherwise the emotions of the hurt person can effect him/her as well in an unpleasant manner. Trust is very important and has to be earned, so we must know our friends well and respect their neutrality.
When one turns around and starts to write on their social media pages about the “friend” they had a falling out with or talks in the same manner to whoever he/she assumes will listen to him/her, then that is a sign of a very immature and insecure human being, and it is also a very vicious and revengeful action, because those who do not know what really happened, do not know the person in question well enough except perhaps on Facebook only, are expected to take sides and some do and are thereby thrown into confusion. It makes me distrust such a human being, personally speaking, when I observe such behavior.
I feel that when we come across such drama online or find ourselves becoming a reluctant sounding board, that we pause and not judge, remain neutral, because we do not really know well the person talking and the person being talked about (unless we happen to be a personal friends, but even then), and most importantly we cannot really know the ‘WHY’ behind it. We should not take sides, instead simply be and enjoy our personal friendships with both. Or just pass on by. If we are curious, then we need to find out both sides of the story and come to our own informed conclusion.
Gossiping and bitching behind the back of someone, one had a falling out with, online or offline, and taking sides based on this kind of erroneous judgment, is hurtful first and foremost to the one indulging in such erroneous action, and this ancient law is always working – the law of cause and effect. So we need to be mindful. We do not want to get embroiled in other people’s business unless we know them well and are fully informed. And we do not want to indulge in such vicious revengeful acts no matter how angry, livid and hurt we are. Most of all, we must not take sides. If we must pick a side, then we must always side with the truth.
A true friend is one, who has the courage to step back, listen, think, see and speak the truth accordingly and knows to remain neutral, refraining from indulging in gossip. Wise people do not take sides, they seek the truth if so inclined. We must view all, listen to all with eyes and ears of a real lover, use our sense of discernment and always offer words of wisdom that we have actually realized from our own experiences. We must always think before we act – this is the wise and right way, which I have learned the hard way myself.
Gratitude, Respect, Peace and Love to you who find your way to my page. Thank you for taking and making the time to read. ❤
– Piyali Ganguly